You're my nerd.

In the lunch line today:
Her: "You're my nerd."
Me: "What?"
Her: "You're my nerd."
Me: "Well then, I guess that makes you my idiot."
Her: "No, I'm your non-nerd, that sounds smarter."
Me: "No, it doesn't sound smarter, just less insulting."
Her: "I think it sounds smarter."
Our Friend: (standing there, laughing.)

Boobs

This is what happens when my friends point out the size of my boobs. They were trying to give me way to make them bigger.

"You should drink some chicken."
"Drink miracle grow to make your boobs bigger."
"You should drink a lot of milk and cookies," "Cookies would counteract it."
"Eat a bunch of chicken, but not fried chicken, any chicken that works."
"you should be in a chicken brothel for chickens."

 -Sewsuper